you must be the king,but i am not the right queen

dear friends and family
i have not lost my mind
oh dear friends and family
i have not lost my mind
forever forever! then repeat repeat!
i love you..oh how i love you
but...your bringing me down
my records show, my heart is mine!
my records show,my heart is mine!
could i see your records i need to know
could i see your records i need to know
where exactly is your head and heart now?
could you answer me without your fingers tied
could you answer me without your fox like eyes..

and sometimes

when no ones looking,i rip out the pages from my favorite novels,and take your photo in black and white

'you have given me more than any other friend has'

'SO HAPPY I COULD DIE,BE YOUR BEST FRIEND,YEAH I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER'

x

sad

my laptop has died,and has taken all of my photos with it :(
last night was joels 18th,after having a 30 yr old drug addict try to hit on me,i decided it was time for bed.the week just gone has been just horrible i expected so much more from tafe,i had to go to court,my laptop died,and i worked both Saturday and Sunday,and i miss my mom.i hope Monday brings a fresh start.

boo

&

'do you ever feel like this is just right,laying here with our legs tangled together like lego it just fits'

lauren

lady gaga,the take away,sleep,cute txts,driving like blondes,laughing,just being happy

i dont want your money,i want your sex

im settling into this new routine slowly,so upset im not going to lady gaga,but im sure sound wave with Joe will make up for that.tafe is stressful,but it will improve,and so will my skills.i know im not perfect,but people seem to think they do no wrong,i don't miss you,or anyone. time to start thinking about all of your own actions thanks.its funny how since Ive been looking at the future i don't miss anyone from my past,no one did anything for me,and no i dont think higher of myself...this is just the way i feel,im thinking for myself,being myself.


i feel happy for the first time in years

show me your teeth

far out

the past few months have been crazy
my dads has moved it
i went to bali for 16 days (crazy!)
came home turned 18!
started tafe eeep!
i havent blogged in so long i will tomorrow night:)x

past few days

have been amazing :)
im so happy and content its great
i love having new perfume and cuddles!

:)

<333333333333333333333

<3

i slept outside in wotton last night
under a huge tree with blankets,pillows & Joe :)
waking up to the nicest view and company has put me in the best mood:)

best

'7. you have the biggest heart, i like when you go to partys and im there cause you make me feel safe and i know if im upset you will listen to me and make me happy, your an amazing person, im probably the grosest person to you and you put up with alot of my shit, but you really do mean alot to me, thankyou so much :)'

from mr sam smiths guess who blog
nicest thing anyone has said to me for awhile made me feel so much better after a horrible day :(

get better mormor
i love you
you angry swedish lady xoxoxo

sinking

i cant stand being by myself anymore :(
i want someone who will just be there for me.

i cant help myself

you have gold on the inside

Alex turner please just be mine!

ugh! getting over this pretty fast,even if i fight to keep this going i know history will repeat itself,sometimes it feels like im not allowed to be that happy for long amounts of time,i know nothing lasts forever but i wish it would last that little bit longer,i feel so selfish

life

i am missing school already,i miss lunch times and the boys picking on me,and making sexual jokes every time id go to eat my lunch,i miss photography lessons when i would annoy Joe to the extreme,i miss chasing Thomas around the common room and trying to chuck chairs at him,i miss cooking noodles,and being so comfy i would always want to take my shoes off,having the music so loud and the stupid games everyone would end up playing no matter how dangerous,but this is just growing up,and its so scary, and yet i cant help but be excited,in less then a month im going overseas with no adults for over a fortnight,and when i get home i will be turning 18 everything's changing and i don't want to wish my life away im going to appreciate everything so much! life is great!

looking forward to:
formal
Bali
Christmas
working
childcare cert three
18th party
18th lunch
sound wave

im loving the affection

i can do it now.

P.S love of my life

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes please!

<3

in regards to my last blog

'nina you always smell so good'

laughter

n i n a says:
ill say sorry

Joee says:
them other 2 fags were tryen 2 hit on u

n i n a says:
then you will say haha im going anyway

Joee says:
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u know me wayy to well

n i n a says:
hahaha
they were scary
'i'll hit them'

Joee says:
thats exactly wat i was gunna say
yer they were fags

n i n a says:
you big tuffy

Joee says:
haha i was ready

n i n a says:
hahahaha
proberly the funniest/cutest/funniest thing ever hahaha
okok im off now : p
night night

Joee says:
no way ur on hot stuff
hahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha
omg that was so fucken gay

n i n a says:
hahahahahhahahahahahhahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahaa
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

Joee says:
almost as gay as sweetcheeks
oh sorry

n i n a says:
i cant stop laughing

Joee says:
hahahahahhahahahhaa
same

n i n a says:
hey i love saying that

Joee says:
thats fuckien lame nin

n i n a says:
wots up sweet cheeks ; )
its so creepy yet smooth

Joee says:
oh god

n i n a says:
hahahahahaha
god im lame

Joee says:
smooth haha
yer i know
im goen latass xxxx
seeyu saturday

all i ask is for you to

be protective over me,i haven't felt safe in years

x

'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger, I should not seem a part of it.
nelly!I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being!

bullet proof

these love triangles never seem to end.
i hate seeing some of the people i love being hurt constantly

i don't understand people.



wheres everyone's self respect?

i love how

special you are


it was always you

abandon anyhope of childhood

i do not want 'talk' about it anymore,if there is never going to be a solution!

three years,and i am still constantly being the adult between two people who are more than thirty years older then me!it makes me so sad,that this divorce has even effected me in my social skills,always feeling like i need to be the adult,always thinking about consequences and not taking risks,in less than three months i will be eighteen and i still feel like i am missing out,i know that there are positives and negatives to the way i do certain things and the way i act BUT, the negatives keep getting to me
i know that i wont be able to enjoy myself at my year twelve formal because my parents will have to sit next to each other for more than a few hours,this has not happened in three years!,they cant even handle the small talk.My graduation was awkward enough,and i knew exactly what was going through the minds of the other adults,it was written all over their faces,and when my mum leaves after only staying for ten minutes that only made it sting more.this may sound so petty and selfish but its making me go insane!having a mormor (grandma) who is constantly putting down my father in front of me,isn't making anything better!
Secrets are always coming out,things that i don't want to know.
and the answer to all of the above is running away and trying to start another family,and leaving your old one behind,well that's whats being drummed into my head.

a white demon love song

someone who i can tell my thoughts to
everyday

someone i cant have.

wonderful.

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
Promises mean everything when youre little
And the worlds so big

please dont tell me everything is wonderful now..

ahhh pretty much sums up my life right now.

dreams

you were young,handsome and you looked healthy and dressed in a uniform
but you were still miserable,all you wanted was affection & comfort,like always you just wanted something that was going to benefit you,and make you feel better.
i try to block you out in reality
but now you invade my dreams
:(

...

We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end

My windows look into your living room
I spend the afternoon on top of you
I wonder what it is
That I did to make you move in
Across the way from me
I hope I never figure out
Who broke your heart
And if I do, if I do
I'd spend all night losing sleep
I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind
Well I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind
My windows look into your bathroom
Well I spend the evening watching
You get yourself clean and
I wonder why it is
That they left this bathroom so unclean
So unlike me
I hope I never figure out
Who broke your heart
And if I do, if I do
I'd spend all night losing sleep
I'd spend the night and I'd lose my mind

i am not interested

in hectic vain/shallow people,ughh!

i like people who dont make me want to crawl into a hole and die!


“Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. OK, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become OK for one person to be the boss of everybody? Because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!”

a day with the boys

perry,joe and thomas <3
fishing,babes,American pie,smoking hot chicks,ice cream,pizza,sweet tunes,beach,did i mention babes..? hahaha aw best day hanging WIF DA BOIS! :)
xoxo

adventure

i have just completed high school,my mom has bought another house at cullburra and i have an option to move there with her or stay here and live with my dad,i have decided i am going to staying here,as Ive missed out on spending time with my dad since the divorce,nearly three,maybe four years,and staying here,will be a good thing,ihope.Im starting my cert three in childcare to enter into the diploma which im not even sure if that's what i want to do anymore!stress stress stress
on a lighter note,ive got my formal dress and new hair extensions,earings,make up,all that's missing is the shoes :| im going to sydney this weekend to visit a new friend,and i get to spend time with my best friend ,things are looking good so far fingers crossed they will stay that way. the boys are about to come pick me up for a day of beach,fishing,and fun.♥ i couldn't be happier at this moment.


goodbye year 12 I'll miss you guys